In the interest of consolidation - this blog is being moved to:
http://grindingupstones.wordpress.com
Catch you on the flip side!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
hesitations (a work in progress, or, perhaps, just ramblings)
how can i want to know your love
after two decades of nothingness.
how can i give your word creedance
when i have never known your face.
how can i crave approval
beyond that which i would
value from those who love me best.
it's not that i don't love you, oomah
indeed, it's fear that binds me to
a permanent state of hesitation
the woman who gave me life
still holds some power in me.
it's that i fear your judgment
because what i have become
in body, face and mind may be
aberrant, or abhorrent
an abomination in the eyes
of she who made me of this earth.
yet, your hands too are not clean.
you gave me up. gave up on me.
have i returned the favor
placed a value on your actions like
the value on my head
was it altruism or just a case
of saving face.
and if you felt you didn't have a choice
is it still love.
if you met me, would you be
ashamed. would
there be panic in your eyes.
am i the ghost that haunts your nights.
the stigma you have worn
beneath your clothes for
two decades of nothingness.
i am mourning you today though
i know not the state of your pulse
breathe here is irrelevant
as you are lost to me all the same.
what might have been i'll never know
as what remains of family
is all i'll ever see.
(c)julijeongmartin, 2008
after two decades of nothingness.
how can i give your word creedance
when i have never known your face.
how can i crave approval
beyond that which i would
value from those who love me best.
it's not that i don't love you, oomah
indeed, it's fear that binds me to
a permanent state of hesitation
the woman who gave me life
still holds some power in me.
it's that i fear your judgment
because what i have become
in body, face and mind may be
aberrant, or abhorrent
an abomination in the eyes
of she who made me of this earth.
yet, your hands too are not clean.
you gave me up. gave up on me.
have i returned the favor
placed a value on your actions like
the value on my head
was it altruism or just a case
of saving face.
and if you felt you didn't have a choice
is it still love.
if you met me, would you be
ashamed. would
there be panic in your eyes.
am i the ghost that haunts your nights.
the stigma you have worn
beneath your clothes for
two decades of nothingness.
i am mourning you today though
i know not the state of your pulse
breathe here is irrelevant
as you are lost to me all the same.
what might have been i'll never know
as what remains of family
is all i'll ever see.
(c)julijeongmartin, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
The Latest Buzz...
The Grinding Up Stones Forum is now open!
Check it out at:
http://www.grindingupstones.com/forum
Spread the word!
Check it out at:
http://www.grindingupstones.com/forum
Spread the word!
Shameless Self-Promotion
Hello friends!
I am looking for a roommate for the KAHI Hawai'i Mini Gathering. I am willing to stay at the Prince, although there are some other, cheaper hotels in the area (granted, less luxurious). One that seems to be a good value is the Waikiki Gateway Hotel - booking this far in advance it's only $83/night + taxes. It's about a half mile walk from the Prince and the rooms come with multiple beds. So if anyone is interested in being my roomie - please drop me a line!
I am looking for a roommate for the KAHI Hawai'i Mini Gathering. I am willing to stay at the Prince, although there are some other, cheaper hotels in the area (granted, less luxurious). One that seems to be a good value is the Waikiki Gateway Hotel - booking this far in advance it's only $83/night + taxes. It's about a half mile walk from the Prince and the rooms come with multiple beds. So if anyone is interested in being my roomie - please drop me a line!
Back Online!
Unfortunately, after I last posted, my computer decided to have a mid-life crisis and it was in the shop for a while. But, I just got it back yesterday, and life has calmed down a bit, so I plan to dedicate a lot more time to getting things together.
Just a friendly reminder that I will be accepting submissions until August 1st, so please be in touch!
Just a friendly reminder that I will be accepting submissions until August 1st, so please be in touch!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
my bad...
Hey folks,
Sorry thing haven't been updated in a while...I just moved into my new house in Oberlin/started my summer job and things have been a wee bit busy. BUT I promise to be on top of things ASAP. So stay tuned.
Sorry thing haven't been updated in a while...I just moved into my new house in Oberlin/started my summer job and things have been a wee bit busy. BUT I promise to be on top of things ASAP. So stay tuned.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Julia
I didn't know her, but I feel compelled to write about her anyway. I've been reading her blog, and I wish I'd known her.
Julia Ji-Hye Mendelson died yesterday morning after a long and courageous fight against leukemia. I wish there were words to describe her struggle that didn't invoke violence, because that is not what she was about, but I am confined by the limits of the English language. I have no words to memorialize her, only to say that she was an inspiration to many in the adoptee community, and has left behind a legacy of love and support that will not be forgotten. I hope that you will all check out her blog: juliasworld.wordpress.com
I'll also take this moment to encourage you all to join the bone marrow registry! Communities of color are significantly underrepresented, and it is particularly difficult for adoptees who often have no kin to turn to. So let's all do something for Julia, and for each other, and register! I've been on the registry for a couple of years, and although I've never gotten a call, I know that at least I'm putting myself out there.
To all the friends, loved ones and others whose lives were touched by Julia's grace, I send you light. I'm planning to have a memorial section to her in the first issue of GUS, so if anyone has personal reflections, poetry, art, etc that they would like to submit in her memory, please pass it along. (strangerswomb@gmail.com)
Julia Ji-Hye Mendelson died yesterday morning after a long and courageous fight against leukemia. I wish there were words to describe her struggle that didn't invoke violence, because that is not what she was about, but I am confined by the limits of the English language. I have no words to memorialize her, only to say that she was an inspiration to many in the adoptee community, and has left behind a legacy of love and support that will not be forgotten. I hope that you will all check out her blog: juliasworld.wordpress.com
I'll also take this moment to encourage you all to join the bone marrow registry! Communities of color are significantly underrepresented, and it is particularly difficult for adoptees who often have no kin to turn to. So let's all do something for Julia, and for each other, and register! I've been on the registry for a couple of years, and although I've never gotten a call, I know that at least I'm putting myself out there.
To all the friends, loved ones and others whose lives were touched by Julia's grace, I send you light. I'm planning to have a memorial section to her in the first issue of GUS, so if anyone has personal reflections, poetry, art, etc that they would like to submit in her memory, please pass it along. (strangerswomb@gmail.com)
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